The quintessential combination of thoughts and praise from the strong willed collection of leisurely gentlemen of the Moose Club. Established in 2002,we have developed 8 years of memories, friendships, and thorough thought trails. What began in the quaint borough of Metuchen, NJ, has now expanded across America. Brace yourself, you may need a chaser..
As of Sunday night, the glamorous Master's golf tournament comes to a final close. Phil Mickelson, the 40-year-old, three time Master's winner, and husband to a walking bombshell, walks away with yet another turf-colored green Jacket. Can only imagine the un-disclosed amount of winnings he earned. Sorry Tiger, better luck next year...
The Master's is a tournament one of utmost respect. As one of the highest respected tournaments in golf, the Master's is regarded as the tournament of champions. They are posh, they know it, and they don't give a flying golf ball.
Fun Master's Facts:
The only let Tiger Woods (a semi-African American golfer) play on their all-white course because of prior credentials. Who says racism is dead?
An announcer was once fired from his station for referring to the spectators of the tournamet as the "crowd" and not the "patrons". Seriously?
The color of the fairway matches the victor's jacket color to the mili-pixel. O.C.D. style.
Two of the signers of the Deceleration of Independence are buried in Augusta, Georgia, home of the Master's tournament. The real American dream.
Fred Couple's a top competitor of this years competition, finishing 2 under, has been a major contender since 1984 (only winning once in 1996). Keep on truckin' old man, keep on truckin'.
Golf, once believed to be an acronym for Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden, is now a sport of versatility. With a 16 year Asian old on tour, a few chicks here and there, and even Happy bringing new sings to the game, there is no telling where the sport will go next.
Even Charles Barkley's workin out his kinks, now lets see yours...
After traveling around British Columbia last winter, I realized that Canadians aren't really that bad. Sure, they are too kind, say silly phrases such as "fair enough," and love Celine Dion, but some are actually cool people. For Bones'sake they are the dang host of the world renown Winter Olympics! Statistics show that host countries never make money off of the Olympic games, rather just the honor and prestige that comes along with it. Last night, Canada Women's Hockey won the gold against the U.S. in a 2-0 thriller. Normally I would pay zero attention to women's sports, but a trending topic today is the easy bashing of the Gold medalists. So.Fucking.What. These ladies worked their fannies off to get to this point. Their home city, their sport, their gold medal=their right to celebrate. Gilbert Felli, the IOC’s executive director of the Olympic Games, claims he wasn’t aware of the celebration until informed by an AP reporter.
“If that’s the case, that is not good. It is not what we want to see,” he said. “I don’t think it’s a good promotion of sport values. If they celebrate in the changing room, that’s one thing, but not in public.
“We will investigate what happened. We will talk to the federation and the NOC. We will first find the facts and then act accordingly,” he said.
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Really, big Gil, you didn't see it? They sat for about 20 minutes, center ice, lighting their stogies and pounding Molson. How did you get your job as the executive director of the Olympic Games? Were you really too engulfed in the semi-round of mens curling? Gil, Gil, Gil...
As my reporting continues, I read that the Associated Press reports that, oh, the Canadian (gold medal winning) Women's Hockey team apologized..
"The members of Team Canada apologize if their on-ice celebrations, after fans had left the building, have offended anyone," the statement said. "In the excitement of the moment, the celebration left the confines of our dressing room and shouldn't have. The team regrets that its gold medal celebration may have caused the IOC or COC any embarrassment.
Well, IOC, thanks again for taking the fun out out the 2 weeks 2 long sporting event. Controversy may be the only thing fun about these boring Winter Olympics. All I know is that if-and hopefully when-the U.S. men's hockey team beats the beast out of the Canadian men's hockey team for that luxurious gold medal, we better be well prepared for the celebration of a lifetime. Budweiser, Lady Gaga, and Marlboro reds all night you clown asses.
While yes the title may seem a bit over the top, but come on lets face it....impared vision and skiing...dont mix well. While skiing over the past weekend or so i took it upon myself to take a little look around. Not only had the sport of skiing become a fashion show, but it has become a fashion show that lets the ugly fat girls in. I mean this figuratively of course, nothing is sexier than a snow bunny and her matching outfit and a man that is way below her standards obviously not her boyfriend but a friend that figures he can use his edge....haha.....in skiing to prove that he is up to her standards because he has mastered this skill of skiing.....but i digest.....When going skiing there are certain rules that one should abide by, and if you have ever been skiing you know those that i am talking about....here are my version of the skiing rules that our yellow friends from across the pond have such a hard time with.
a#1: Be sure to remove your skis before entering the bar or hot tub...sharp edges and drunk ppl along with bare skin can be quite dangerous
b#2: Don't eat yellow snow.....i know...but they are asian they do some wacky shit
c#3: Falling is always appropriate.....IF you take someone down with you.....more points for more people
D#4: Those that are novice skiers...e.g. "pizza pieing" down a black diamond.....can be considered a hostile entity and should be treated with the upmost caution....even a ski pole to the back of the head is acceptable.
E#5: Just because she has a nice pair of goggles and blonde pigtails coming out of her hat means nothing in terms of how hot she could be....common trick by the skinny ugly women.....see revious mention about fat and ugly.
F#6: Making sure to be as loud as possible and seem like your having the most fun really shows you the people who are misserable on the mountain....for instance the family with 3 little children all of which they put at the top of a diamond and you have taken the chair lift 4 times and seen the two parents and their 3 children in the same spot on a trail all the while heckeling saying "should have listened to the kids that said they would be happy with chuckie cheese"
G#6: While this may be something that goes for almost any situation....groin injuries are even funnier when skiing.......click here for some proof.
So when you go skiing this season, or what is left of it, just remember these simple rules and you will have a gaggle of fun.
If you have a TV and/or a social life, you've most certainly heard about the worlds beloved golfer, Tiger Woods, and his recent sexual and marital escapades. In November of 2009, his pristine reputation, life, and pretty face, were all soiled as his sexual affairs became uncovered in the press and face became covered in bandages.
Tiger woods, husband to Elin Nordegren, had been having multiple affairs with various sexual partners (all the way down to the pretty little cocktail servers) and been getting away with it...until Elin found out, beat him up, and left him for dead in the middle of their quiet neighborhood street. Tough love.
You really have some explaining to do if you feel the desire to cheat on this hideous monster.
To better his "case", Tiger appeared on public television to express his thoughts and feelings regarding the incident via a prepared statement (included below).
Covered by everything from mid-day ESPN coverage to an interuption in CNBC's Squawk on the Street, Tiger effectively took the spotlight as he publicly acknowledged and apologized for his crude behavior.
The thing that grinds many gears like my own is the fact that nowadays, thanks to ESPN's revolutionary round-the-clock coverage of the sports world, is that no longer will the lives of athletes and their performances be separated. From Mike Tyson (a colleague favorite) to Barry Bonds, the lives of our idolized pin-ups will never be free from illustrative exploitation.
My favorite example of a proper lesson taught to the media was when San Francisco pitcher, Tim Lincecum, was pulled over in the Bay Area and, after a thorough search, arrested for possession of marijuana and paraphernalia. Best part: this baseball-whipping, chronic smoking, lock-flowing, San Franciscan boy didn't give a rats tail. He publicly confessed, paid his fines, and continued on with his career/extracurricular hobbies.
I can only hope that these type of stand-up citizens can help set the stage for some of the other, less ballsy, athletes; the ones who have to hide behind closed doors or dark garments only give the media something to thrive off. What would you prefer: a publicly demanded apology followed by years of shame, or a relatively small fine and a implicit FU to our favorite, The American Press?
Accompanying the summit of the winter season, along with Valentine's and Presidents Day, is the 16-day marathon of the world's finest athletes competing for the gold. This lap around, hosted in Vancouver, British Columbia, is the winter sports including, but not limited to, hockey, skiing, snowboarding, and my favorite, curling...
The Olympics has its roots buried deep within the ancient Greek civilization. During a time (8th century B.C.E.) when gods literally ran, and ruined, the lives of civilians, the Greek people took great pride in honoring the gods atop Mt. Olympus via games, parades, and sacrifices. Teams were formed from Greek polei, or city-states, and all gathered in Athens to compete. The games the Greeks played, all in honor of various gods, ranged from barefoot races, naked wrestling, and discus tossing. Wouldnt't want to piss this guy off?
He'll put a lightening bolt right between your cheeks.
Anyway, with all kinds of expectations for American athletes such as Apolo Ohno, Shaun White, and, my personal favorite, Lindsey Vonn, the attention drifts away from non-contributing countries and focuses solely on the elite of the Northern hemisphere.
However, I would like to revert some attention back to our globe's not-so-fortunate players, such as Africa's sole contributor to Vancouvers Winter Olympics XXI.
Without further ado, let me introduce introduce Ghana's primary, and only, skiier, Kwame Nkruman-Acheampong. Dubbed the "Snow Leopard", this Ghanese downhill skier offers a tale unlike many other developed-country's prospects. Hailing from North-West Africa, this passionate skier competes solo in every sense of the word.
Acting as his own doctor, coach, trainer, and driver, Kwame will enter this years Olympic competitions sleeping in his own van. Previously, he's even had to return home to Ghana mid-competition because he ran out of money.
Next time you turn on NBC to cheer on America's finest, just remember all the unfortunate athletes who do not have the opportunity to compete the way we did...as children.
Today is the 20 year anniversary of the Buster Douglas/Tyson superbrawl He was the most feared person in all of the years for 15+ years. To many, he still is. To most, he is just bat-shit crazy. Iron Mike, Kid dynomite, the baddest man in the land, the knockout kid, or simply Tyson. All of his names are synonomous with knockouts, facial tattoos, rape, and appendage biting. Regardless, he was an influencial man in not only sports, but all facets of the American world. Tyson derived from the Bed-Sty neighborhood of Brooklyn. His pops abandoned him and his family when Mike was 2. By the age of 13, Mike was arrested 38 times. Mike spent his early years at the Tryon School for Boys in upstate New York, a controversial "learning" facility recently featured in NY Mag. He was discovered by a teacher there who was amazed by his strong fighting skills. He bounced around different training facilities and ended up making the US Junior Olympic team, where he still holds a record-quickest knockout, 8 seconds. His professional career quickly took off. Iron Mike won his first 26 of 28 fights by knockout.
At the age of 20, Tyson became the youngest ever to win the WBC heavyweight title. He experienced 3 years of immense success, which ultimately lead to his controversies outside of the ring. His divorce to then-wife Robin Givens, contract disputes with Don King, firing of his longime trainer Kevin Rooney all contributed. 1990 marked his loss of the undisputed heavy weight title to Buster Douglass. Tyson was arrested in 1991 for alleged rape of an 18yr old (girl).Tyson didnt fight again until 1995.
Tyson tried to resurrect his career by agreeing to fight another comeback kid, Evander Holyfield. The first bout, which Tyson was the great favorite, led to a Holyfield win, by TKO, in the 11th. Tyson agreed to fight Holyfield again in 1997. The purse was a then-record, Tyson receiving $30 mil and Holyfield receiving $35 mil. We all know what happened, the "bite fight." Tyson agreed to fight Lennox Lewis, another attempt to regain the heavyweight title, but a brawl between the two that occured during a press conference put any chances to rest. Tyson's career was officially over. He committed himself to missionary work, pigeon tending, a stunt with the WWF, and recreating his "failure of a life." However, bankruptcy and a felony DUI kept Tyson from ever becoming an upstanding citizen. Coined by many as the "greatest boxer of all time," Tyson's uneducated childhood, paired with media stardom and the popular demand for his succees, led to his immaculate failure. For what its worth, Tyson is still a champion in my eyes, even if just for comedic value.
Superbowl 44: Unless you live in Indiana or Louisiana, or for some reason god-forsaken reason like the Colts or Saints, this year's matchup is going to be fairly boring. Sure, we have Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne, Drew Brees, and Reggie Bush. But the rest of both rosters seem fairly uninteresting. It was last week's AFC Championship game when Mr. Manning tore up the Jets secondary through the likes of an unsung hero. His name: Austin Collie. He is a very deceiving sonuvabitch, so I was determined to find out more about him. No one can just come into the NFL, having no previous college prestige, and do what this kid's been doing week in and week out. So, Mr. Number 17, I begin my investigative research. Full name: Austin Kirk Collie Born: November, 1985, Ontario, Canada Drafted 127th overall, by the Colts, out of BYU. Personal Accolades: Graduated with a 4.0 GPA, father, Scott, played in the CFL. Spent many nights in Buenos Aires doing missionary visits under the Church of Latter Day Saints.
All of this seems too mediocre. How can this kid, the 4th receiver on the depth chart, be this good? Hard work in school, good genes, God's help-all of these are normal now-a-day's. What does Austin Collie do that other 4th round picks don't do. And then........
You would think that in the age of online advertising a company's interest in commercial television ads would not be atop their list. The Super Bowl draws more viewers than does the Pope's inaugural ceremony. Some people like to watch a man lead a Bronco's team to a last second victory more than they like to watch a man lead Catholicism to the butt of every late-night television joke. Lets look at the numbers: The 2008 game between the New York Giants and New England Patriots drew a 43.1 rating-meaning just over 43% of household televisions in the United States had the game on. Poor Brady! The game also had a record 97.4 million viewers. Both statistics are still records-slightly beating last year's numbers in the Steeler/Cardinal matchup.
The average television ad is 30 seconds.
The cost of a 30 second advertisement in 1967-Superbowl I-was $37,500. Coulda bought a Jeep!
20 years later- Superbowl XXI- the cost skyrocketed to $600,000.
Fast forward to 2002. The Bucs beat the Raiders 48-21. "Terry Tate, Office Linebacker" was introduced and soon after became an online phenomenon. Cost? $2.2 million.
The Associated Press reported that the average cost of an ad for this Super Bowl (Jets 41-Vikings 9) is roughly $2.6 Million! In a "down" economy, it is mind numbing to think that some smaller companies-especially those with frozen credit lines from major banks- can even stand a chance to compete with the big wigs, i.e. Budweiser, Coke, Ford, and BP. Hope you readers have some Sodoku, because unless you are willing to watch 16 different versions of "Ford:Drive One!" you're going to need something else to look forward to...
In recent news, the island shared by Haiti and the Dominican Republic was struck with a devastating earthquake living the Haiti in a state of chaos. Looting and rioting are only a few of the byproducts created by this natural disaster. The United States, acting as a global Mother Teresa, has once again lent a hand to those in need. At times of absolute desire, any help is needed. Our prayers are with the victims and their families.
As always, the United States has acted in it's natural paternal role and sent much relief to the Haitian families affected by the earthquake. Whether out of need for to bolster the public perception or to actually allocate Federal funds to projects believed to promote "democracy", the United States has begun our stream of support. Is this actually the most humane solution? Do we really need to see devastating natural disasters before we can really label something as fucked? Are we the ones who should even be lending a helping hand when we have disasters of our own?
Anyone observing places like South Central Los Angeles, the Bronx borough of New York City, or Chicago's South Side can vouch that they are not the most ideal living atmospheres. With visibly high crime rates, low-income housing units, and lack of proper Public Benevolence forces, these areas are the unfortunate result of mishandled urban maintenance.
That being noted, are we really so perfect that we can export aid when we can hardly change the problems that plague our own soil? Haiti is currently most burdened with riots that have arisen from a lack of proper law enforcment. The Haitian government, although fully acknowledging the fact, are not able to provide adequate resources. This is exactly where the U.S Federal, State, and Local governments stand on the high crime sections of America, except in American 'able' is the word of focus.
Our news media plays a crucial role in the grand scheme of things. In a recent NFL playoff game, select Haitian members of the New Orleans Saints publicaly broadcasted ways in which fans can provide aid to Haiti and be rewarded with NFL memorabilia. That's what American's need? are we really that manipulative? Our own streets are run with problems of our own, but Pierson Prioleau will send you an autograph if you text HAITI to 99899.
"Open your own eyes, Look within, Are you satisfied with the life your living?"
(A quote from Bob Marley's song Redemption Song, but also a creed that President Obabma ought to recognize)
Playoffs?!!??? Yes, it is that time of year again, and believe it or not, ya boy Brett Favre is still in the mix. You name it: 7 divisional championships, most career touchdowns and passing yard, toughest last name in sports to justify the spelling of, the ability to backstab the crap out of his former team by joining their undisputed biggest rival, ruining the Jets organization for an entire season, and plenty of PR work through the likings of make-a-wish foundation, Brett Favre is just, again, doing what we expect him to do. Hate seeing him do, but doing what we expect nonetheless.
Today, in roughly 10 minutes, the Minnesota(Min-ay-sooo-tah) Vikings will take on America's Cowboys. Should make for an exciting NFC matchup, just so long as the Boys' defensive front comes to play with a game plan to plug the holes that Adrian Peterson has been shattering like a Haitian earthquake.
Back to topic-Brett Favre. Did anyone expect him not to come out of retirement for a second time? Probably not. Did anyone expect him not to be playing for a conference championship berth at this point in the season? Probably not. Born in October of 1969, here is a compiled list of other people Brett's age who, as long as their health has not run out by now, might be lucky enough to be watching the game from their big fat couch:
Jennifer Aniston- still fairly hot, yet not in any shape to take on Demarcus Ware and the rest of the 3-4
P.Diddy- Bet he never once played organized sports. At one point he may have been able to purchase the Vikings, but poor decision making, back taxes, and a failed attempt to "Make the Band" 6 times puts him out of the picture
Ice Cube- He still scares the shit out of me, but from what I am told, NFL players play on a very high level, requiring strong intelligence and decision making skills. However, Pacman Jones did make it a career for a few years..
And finally, Marilyn Manson. If football was smut pornography, and the Cowboys were edward scissorhands-esque characters, M squared might stand a chance. Not here, not now.
In close, what we realized is that Brett Favre really is a phenom of some sort. Maybe a few years of alcoholism and addiction to prescription pain killers does make the body last a bit longer. I truly hope that this time next year we will not be able to comment any further on Fav Ruh, but, we know we will be. To give hope to those middle aged men who are still living vicariously through Brett, good luck to you. But we all know, at some point in time, luck does run out....
As one of the highest respected tournaments in golf, the Master's is regarded as the tournament of champions. They are posh, they know it, and they don't give a flying golf ball.
