Skiing with slanty eyes

While yes the title may seem a bit over the top, but come on lets face it....impared vision and skiing...dont mix well. While skiing over the past weekend or so i took it upon myself to take a little look around. Not only had the sport of skiing become a fashion show, but it has become a fashion show that lets the ugly fat girls in. I mean this figuratively of course, nothing is sexier than a snow bunny and her matching outfit and a man that is way below her standards obviously not her boyfriend but a friend that figures he can use his edge....haha.....in skiing to prove that he is up to her standards because he has mastered this skill of skiing.....but i digest.....When going skiing there are certain rules that one should abide by, and if you have ever been skiing you know those that i am talking about....here are my version of the skiing rules that our yellow friends from across the pond have such a hard time with.

a#1: Be sure to remove your skis before entering the bar or hot tub...sharp edges and drunk ppl along with bare skin can be quite dangerous

b#2: Don't eat yellow snow.....i know...but they are asian they do some wacky shit

c#3: Falling is always appropriate.....IF you take someone down with you.....more points for more people

D#4: Those that are novice skiers...e.g. "pizza pieing" down a black diamond.....can be considered a hostile entity and should be treated with the upmost caution....even a ski pole to the back of the head is acceptable.

E#5: Just because she has a nice pair of goggles and blonde pigtails coming out of her hat means nothing in terms of how hot she could be....common trick by the skinny ugly women.....see revious mention about fat and ugly.

F#6: Making sure to be as loud as possible and seem like your having the most fun really shows you the people who are misserable on the mountain....for instance the family with 3 little children all of which they put at the top of a diamond and you have taken the chair lift 4 times and seen the two parents and their 3 children in the same spot on a trail all the while heckeling saying "should have listened to the kids that said they would be happy with chuckie cheese"

G#6: While this may be something that goes for almost any situation....groin injuries are even funnier when skiing.......click here for some proof.


So when you go skiing this season, or what is left of it, just remember these simple rules and you will have a gaggle of fun.

that is all,
toodles

on the road again.....

This week my car hit 50,000 miles. I realize this is a milestone in any cars life and i celebrated by getting pulled over by a state trooper. This of course is the best way to celebrate any event.....on the way home from an aniversary party......or when your driving home with 5 strippers that you intend to do dirty dirty things to.

But enough of that.

5 reasons to NOT wipe your ass.

a#1: you can fart and blow poop bubbles
b#2: you can give anyone at any point in the day a dirty sanchez
c#3: you like to mark the underwear you wore that day
d#4: Think of all that time and the trees you will save
e#5: If you like your own brand all day will be heavenly

thats all for now,
Artemis Noisewater

ClIcK tHiS ShIT

Are there any asians or bones in the back?

Movies I have watched today:

A#1: finished watching Slap Shot
B#2: Zach Galifranakas stand up- plays alot of piano- very funny
C#3: Tosh from Tosh.O- funny also
D#4: So I Married an Axe Murderer- Mike Myers trys out fat bastard many years before Austin Powers
E#5: na na naananana Batman Returns-Danny Deveto is so cute and cuddly

.....but i digest.....joke i know the word is digress

I do not find the four years at school i have had were like a blink, but infact feel i have lived in the time and have the memories but time for a new chapter.....thats it for now.

Heil Christoper Walken,
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater


Click it....you wont........