Fatass Tuesday

Not much pisses me off more than fat people, but the fact that they get their own day really puts the high calorie icing on the already high calorie cake.
So we find ourselves at the culmination of Mardi Gras, which is actually French for Fat Tuesday. But my question remains: why is this carnival celebration, which thousands of people all across the world enjoy, dedicated to fat people? Here is where I begin my research, primarily focused o the United States' celebratory version:
Mardi Gras arrived in North America as a French Catholic tradition with the Le Moyne brothers, Pierre Le Moyne and Jean-Baptiste Le Moyne , in the late 17th century, when King Louis XIV sent the pair to defend France's claim on the territory of Louisiane, which included what are now the U.S. states of Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana.
America, which is 66% overweight or obese, calculates body fat using the BMI scale. The top(fattest) states just happen to be...
1. Mississippi: 30.3%
2. West Virginia: 30.1%
3. Louisiana: 30%
4. South Carolina: 28.5%
5. Alabama: 28.1%
Ok, so King Louis XIV sent his minions to the fatass states to defend the French territory. Now we're getting somewhere...
In 1723, the capital of Louisiana was moved to New Orleans, founded in 1718. New Orleans gained the nickname, "The Big Easy," which, ironically enough, is the name of a locally craved sandwich, which also goes by the name "The Muffaletta."
This manmade god-like creation has, according to FoodTV's Bobby Flay, 952 calories and 54 grams of fat, per serving, which is roughly 83% of your suggested daily intake (based on a 2,000 calorie diet).

So here we are at a final conclusion. As Americans, we like to turn a cold shoulder toward the dark realizations of internal issues. Obesity is one that is shortening our life span, positioning us as the butt of jokes, damaging the self esteem of our children, and jacking up our health care costs to compensate for those who are "just too tired" to go for a goddarn walk or 2.

Not only do we not realize, we celebrate. So, fellow Americans, enjoy your fatass Tuesday. Go celebrate the demise of our once beloved nation and head to a local sandwich shop to have their version of "heart attack on sicilian bread."
But me, Ill be waiting in the wings for my favorite holiday; Mentally Retarded Friday. Shalom!