MC Fraternity

Go - Go - Gadget Rhythm

2010-06-01T11:48:00.003-05:00

For those of you readers who have never been to Washington DC, one of their favorite claim-to-fames is the creation of Go-Go music. Typically, youll recognize this music as that black dude who hangs out side the Metro stops, drummin' away on buckets, pots and pans, cowbells, or whatever kind of percussion he can find. All done at an extremely fast pace.

Expanding on this during the 1970s, a drum circle began in Meridian Park/Malcolm X Park in the Northwest quadrant of Washington DC. It is currently the longest running drum circle in the nation. Gathering every sunday from 3-9 pm, drummers are invited to contribute to a rhythm that makes you drum, dance, or just sit in complete enchantment.

Last weekend, not only did I have the opportunity to visit the infamous drum circle, but I actually partook in the experience. Bringing my bass conga at the initial get-go at 3:00 sharp, myself and about 3 others literally started it. "Hosted" by a man named Experience ( an overweight black man wearing a bucket hat, a black kilt, and an american flag sleeve-cut tee) we jammed until the neighborhood rocked and the kids were a dancin'.

As you may have caught, drumming is not the only joy to be offered. Some attend just to feel the groove and dance the hot summer heat away. Ranging from short haired middle aged women to freaky youngens, all type and colors get down to the sound of the beat.

If your every in the neighborhood on those sundays, grab a triangle, a symbol, or a textbook and go bang away. You wont regret it.

(Apologies for the video quality - apparently BlackBerries arent all their talked up to be)

Keep on Skankin'

Abe Froman

Sorry...

2010-05-31T23:19:00.004-05:00

For the delay. I got extremely tired of directing myself to our page and finding a 2 week old post. PSA-we need the help of the entire staff again. Until the horse is re-sattled, here are some great pictures.
Silly Donovan McNabb

Funny Boner Kid

Shaq loves Juice

Helpful Help

..See ya after finals!

What a bunch of bull(testicle extract)!

2010-05-18T11:38:00.003-05:00

The notion that Redbull gives you wings is as easily accepted as Flu shots, body shots, and Lil Jon's club banger "Shots, Shots, Sho-Sho-Sho-Shots!" However, no on really takes the time out of their day to figure out what exactly inside of that 16oz. aluminum can of man that actually gives them the wings.
Redbull, and many other similar, yet less appealing, energy drinks have a combination of ingredients that makes us feel like a 12 yr old at your neighbors sleepover party all hopped up on mountain dew. Some might think caffeine-but does coffee give you wings? No. Its not the caffeine, bra, its the Taurine!
Sure, taurine sounds safe, it is an organic amino acid. Its found naturally in foods such as different types of seafoods and meats. Does the shit actually work?
A review published in 2008 found no documented reports of negative health effects associated with the amount of taurine used in energy drinks, concluding that "The amounts of guarana, taurine, and ginseng found in popular energy drinks are far below the amounts expected to deliver either therapeutic benefits or adverse events." Hmm...
While accessing the Redbull official website, I wanted to find a statement which outlined the proper usage; I found 5.

1.Water and appropriate sports drinks should be used for rehydration as outlined in the NFHS Document “Position Statement and Recommendations for Hydration to Minimize the Risk for Dehydration and Heat Illness.”
2. Energy drinks should not be used for hydration.
3. Information about the absence of benefit and the presence of potential risk associated with energy drinks should be widely shared among all individuals who interact with young athletes.
4. Energy drinks should not be consumed by athletes who are dehydrated.
5. Energy drinks should not be consumed without prior medical approval, by athletes taking over the counter or prescription medications.

So..don't drink Redbull when you're dehydrated, or an athlete, or young, or on medication. Shit, I literally fall under every category.

As the Wu would say, "Protect ya neck!"

I wish the song was called "Protect your heart, mental stability, and overall well being. I guess well just have to wait for their 16th album.

Redbull doesn't give you wings, folks, it gives you a placebo effect and a damn good belly ache!

A jaahhhbbiiiieeee!!!

2010-05-15T14:10:00.007-05:00

Bing, bang, boom. That fast. Start college, meaningless testings, blackouts, hookups, bed pisses, public indecency, fights, football games, spring concerts, bank overdrafts, graduation. Cheers to all those who told you "have fun, four years goes by so fast."
Man I bet those guys really wish we found them to say, "hey, you were right," just to be one-upped with a good ol' American "Told ya so."
Now the easy part.
Youre either
A: A dickless lizard who is too scared to enter the work world so you entertain the idea of graduate school, Euro-tripping, or living the dream from home
OR
B: employed.

As of today, the American unemployment rating is 9.9%. So much for roundin' up...
In 1976, the year my mother graduated college, the US was looking at a 7.7% rating-not too bad.

With government programs, internships, and entry level jobs, I find all of the hoop-la surrounding the difficulty to get a job now a days to be horse crap. I will be the first to say that I am ecstatic about the fact that I have secured a job starting after graduation, but I am by no means the "elite."

That being said, I feel that recent college graduates are too quick to accept the notion that "things are tough" and that "the current economy" is going to prevent you from getting a job. If anything, employers are looking for hungry graduates, fresh off their finals, and willing and able to work more proficiently for probably far lower wages.
Look at this guy:(!)

The moment you start believing that there are no jobs available is the exact time that jobs become unavailable. It is an insult to our generation to go for 4 years, funded by your parents hard labor, only to get your degree and shit the bed.
Call it a cry or a PSA, just don't blame it on the economy.
Don't fret, don't complain, and don't accept failure. Look at fatty, he's fully aware and has been seeking benefits from a high unemployment rating and he still finds a way to smile!

Marketing gone Mad

2010-05-12T11:35:00.003-05:00

Thanks to our genius friends on Madison Avenue, we have now possibly the worst marketing idea to hit the streets since Digimon key chains.

In the Spring of 2010, MillerCoors introduced a new concept that they believed would revolutionize the "pour", the "chug" and the "dump beer on your passed our frat buddy". Its called the Vortex Bottle and it has - no way! - specially designed grooves. Supposed to create a more even flow of "that great pilsner taste" as it comes through the corkscrew bottle neck.

A bit like a ribbed Trojan condom, the interior of the bottle has grooves that resemble the barrel of a gun. Yes, thats right. The Miller Vortex bottle took drinking to THAT level.

The idea behind the stupidity is that the beer will actually get caught in what is known as the coriolis effect as gravity forces it to take a downward-centripetal force. This effect can be seen as a toilet bowl flushes or in an elementary classrooms with our favorite two-liter toy. Those things were flippin sweet!

Did MillerCoors actually expect us to chug for more than 3 seconds while spinning our bottle/heads in a circular motion to get maximum velocity? This is beer were talking here! Are we forgetting that the average college student hold onto a bottle of beer for, maybe, ten minutes? C'mon man, lets focus our attention on better things. Really.

I actually had the privilege of trying one of these out. As I purchased the 18-pack of bottle necks, I unintentionally grabbed the one that came equipped with such baggage. No wonder they were so cheap. Myself, as well as three other accomplices were mezmerized as we peered into the innovative neck appearance, all wondering how it would affect our consumption. Not one bit.

I've heard of some dumb ideas - I highly recommend you check them out for an absolute laugh -but I believe this one takes the cake. Clearly, some things are for some people and not others. But this has absolutely no affect on it whatsoever.

If you see a case at the liquor store, pick one up and try it. At least they're cheaper than normal bottlenecks.

Keep chugging my friends,

Abe Froman

Kentucky fried Derby

2010-05-01T21:29:00.003-05:00

First Saturday in May people. Located at Church Hill Downs in Louisville, Kentucky, this 1 1/4 mile race is known to many in America as "The most exciting 2 minutes in sports." Aside from offering viewers the opportunity to watch a televised production of animal cruelty combined with public indecency, the Kentucky Derby allows people to convince themselves that they actually give a shit about the medieval sport.
Not many sporting events grind my gears as hard as the Kentucky Derby does. Hundreds of people make their way to Louisville every May to punch their overpriced tickets to gain entry to the "infield" where they get rained and pooped on all the while paying $10 for warm Amstell Lights.
Sure, buying a $2 bet makes you at least somewhat interested in the race, but it certainly does not turn you into a gambling pro or a horse racing fan. While watching the disgrace race on NBC, its not surprising to witness mile-highs (big winners) and valley lows (people realizing they may have lost everything on that stupid "to-win" bet on Big Brown.
While walking around Chicago on today's "derby day" I had to try hard from losing my mind and throwing a drink on some punk in a pink sears-sucker suit. People were hammered and dressed to the nines. Bow ties, three piece suits, and those dod damn hats.
Seriously, what other American event causes people to literally strain their necks with 15lbs. of just junk on their heads? I mean women literally plop on their fat heads what looks like an Easter basket. You don't see people painting themselves red, white, and blue for July 4th.
Take this post as a PSA or a plea...people, there are 365 more days until the next Kentucky Derby, please, try harder everyday to remove yourself more and more from the god-forsaken sport of derby racing.

C D M

2010-04-28T16:38:00.005-05:00

So its a week early. Next Wednesday marks everyone's favorite holiday (and birthday)...Cinco De Mayo. Just like all American celebrations, no one cares to figure out why they are celebrating so long as there is plenty of booze and stupid music to bop around to. I have been dually celebrating this day for what will be 22 years, and not one of them did I have any idea why.

The holiday commemorates the Mexican army's unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862.
Similar to St. Patrick's Day or the Chinese New Year, Cinco De Mayo Cinco de Mayo is observed by many Americans regardless of ethnic origin. I mean cmon, throw on a sombraro and grab a case of Dos Equis and you're just like the rest of em'.

So, basically, after researching the crap out of the holiday....all I got was information on this battle from like 200 years ago(boring!). I decided to find some funny information on Mexico/Mexicans to spice up this post. Here goes:

Q: What do you call a Mexican on a riding lawnmower?
A: Promoted

Q: What do you call a Mexican baptism?
A: Bean Dip

Q: What do you call a midget Mexican?
A: Paragraph (He's too short to be an essay)

What is Mexican Poop??

108 Million people live in Mexico.
The second largest factor of the Mexican economy is American money being sent back.
Mexicans love to sleep (siesta)

Way down, South of the border
Way down, Mexico way
They’re having a big celebration
It’s on the 5th of May.

You can hear the castanets, they’re playing.
You can hear maracas keep the beat.
You can hear the guitars wildly playing.
You can watch them dancing in the street.

Oh, Cinco de Mayo.
It’s a Mexican holiday.
Oh, Cinco de Mayo.
It’s the 5th of May.

Blow it out your...nose?

2010-04-25T16:20:00.003-05:00

I, along with the some other 50 million Americans, can successfully say that I experienced G-d's worst punishment - allergies.

Tis the season for Kleenex (with aloe and Vicks of course), Allegra (and other decieftul medications), and noses rendering you looking like Rudolph.

April - May encompasses what many people know (and deteste) as "allergy season". It derives its essence from the numerous blooming perennial flowers. Perennial flowers are flowers that bloom seasonally, yet are a blossom of a resiliant plant, such as a shrub or tree. They bloom, we sneeze, they die off, then they wait a couple of months and repeat.

Fortunately, the American marketing firms have teamed up with the pharmaceutical groups to produce items such as Allegra, Zertec, Claritan, and many other "solutions" to the suffering endured by many. However, how much do these products help?

Here is an allergic reaction in a nutshell:

Allergens are anything that can trigger an alergic reaction in your body. Typically, they are things like foods, pollen, dust mites, etc. These allergens enter your body through any number of ways (inhaliation, indigestion, injection, etc.) and begin latching onto your bodies finitely numbered mast cells. See picture at left. As your body's mast cells attempt to defend against the intruding allergens, it produces an allergic reaction (sneezing, swollen sinus glands, swollen esophagus). So, as your body attempts to regain equilibrium, the side affect are the unwanted symptoms that define allergies as we know them.

Here's where it gets fun: the medicaitons that are produced and prescribed have nothing to do with your body's immune system or mast cells. In fact, the sole purpose of them is to sedate the mast cells natural tendency to defend against intruding allergens. So, these meds are essentially duct-taping the mouth of your body telling you that its being attacked. Real nice, huh??

Anyway, as the globe spins and seasons change, just remember, if you can tough it out for one more season, you may just outgrow those allergies that made you "that kid" in elementary school. I was and I did.

Read on my followers,

Abe Froman, the once allergy-ridden yet still Sausage King of Chicago

Always double-down on an 11

2010-04-19T21:27:00.007-05:00

Some advertisements claim that America runs on Dunkin'......I think we all know that America runs on fast food. McDonalds vs. Burger King, Hardees vs. Rallys, Jack in the Box vs. Sonic...you name it. While the battle for fattening supremacy continues, it is safe to say that the well being of American society is always the loser. See the below pic..

The battle royale over royale with cheese may finally have come to an end. Introducing the 1380 milligrams of sodium packed DOUBLE DOWN from KFC. This monstrosity contains 540 calories and 32 grams of fat.
Take two fat pieces of fried chicken and stuff inside of it bacon, monteray and pepper jack cheeses, and their signature "special fat sauce."

The average person burns about 100 calories with every mile they run. 1 Double Down=5.4 miles, just short of a 10k.
The recommended level of sodium per day is 1500 milligrams, for a fatass that is.
While doing some research on the company website, I found the slogan for the manwich... “Don’t just feed your hunger … crush it!”
The only justification of this phenomenon is that KFC could not, and would not, be outdone by any fat factory in the world. How can you defend identity as the "finger lickin' good" chicken palace while offering sandwiches with bread? Bread??? That just would not be realistic. If you want to be a man now-a-days you gots' to be a fatass. Quite frankly, the more I think about it, just being fat is like just being kind of cool. Times are changing, and super-fat is the new age fat.

Well, folks, thats all for now. Just make sure that next time you Double Down you make sure not to bite into your finger. Just because its' finger lickin good doesnt mean its good to lick (or eat) your fingers. Just sayin'

Good Ol' 9th Green at 9 Trick

2010-04-13T10:01:00.012-05:00

As of Sunday night, the glamorous Master's golf tournament comes to a final close. Phil Mickelson, the 40-year-old, three time Master's winner, and husband to a walking bombshell, walks away with yet another turf-colored green Jacket. Can only imagine the un-disclosed amount of winnings he earned. Sorry Tiger, better luck next year...

The Master's is a tournament one of utmost respect. As one of the highest respected tournaments in golf, the Master's is regarded as the tournament of champions. They are posh, they know it, and they don't give a flying golf ball.

Fun Master's Facts:

The only let Tiger Woods (a semi-African American golfer) play on their all-white course because of prior credentials. Who says racism is dead?
An announcer was once fired from his station for referring to the spectators of the tournamet as the "crowd" and not the "patrons". Seriously?
The color of the fairway matches the victor's jacket color to the mili-pixel. O.C.D. style.
Two of the signers of the Deceleration of Independence are buried in Augusta, Georgia, home of the Master's tournament. The real American dream.
Fred Couple's a top competitor of this years competition, finishing 2 under, has been a major contender since 1984 (only winning once in 1996). Keep on truckin' old man, keep on truckin'.

Golf, once believed to be an acronym for Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden, is now a sport of versatility. With a 16 year Asian old on tour, a few chicks here and there, and even Happy bringing new sings to the game, there is no telling where the sport will go next.

Even Charles Barkley's workin out his kinks, now lets see yours...

Until next time fellas,
Abe Froman

Straight Foamin'

2010-04-12T22:20:00.003-05:00

Sleep has never been better. Bed has never been more comfortable. Waking up has never been harder.
I was recently introduced to the 8th wonder of the world, Memory Foam.

At first it was just another bedroom addition but it slowly turned into an undeniable force of habit.
My alarm clock was set for 8 am. Both eyes opened right on time. My refreshed, sober body was ready for the day ahead.
I felt paralyzed. I laid motionless for three hours without any concern for the outside world. Before I knew it, my life was forever changed. Memory Foam=Miracle Foam.

What is memory foam?
A Polyurethane based combination of chemicals added together to form the most powerful source of comfort.
Created in 1966, by Nasa, to improve the safety of aircraft cusions.
First sold by a Swiss company, Tempur-Pedic Swedish Mattress

Why is it crucial to the well being of America?
Memory foam has an open cell structure that reacts to body heat and weight by 'moulding' to your body, helping relieve pressure points, preventing pressure sores, etc.
Everybody needs to sleep. The world-renown Mayo Clinic in Cleveland states that the adult body should sleep 7-8 hours a night.

Caution:
Memory Foam is the second leading cause of obesity in American adults, just a few percentage points behind Hardee's.
There have been some reported cases of people sleeping for 140+ hours at a time.
Too much napping can actually lead to a strange disorder called African Potbelly Disease. However, less than 60% of memory foam snoozers end up with this disorder.

Nonetheless, Memory Foam is the definition of a life changer. From putting back on that holiday ham straight fat 7 lbs, to skipping whatever daily requirements may be in order, to unfairly convincing yourself that you are a "sleep scientist," memory foam has a special role for everyone.
Try it, I dare you!

I LOVE TROLLS!

2010-04-08T12:51:00.007-05:00

I will prelude this story by saying it is something that i find amazing.

My brother this past weekend told a story that went something like this:

He has a friend with a half brother that is mentally handicapped......no not like nate.....really handicapped. He is a functioning adult with down syndrome, and lives at home with his mother, he also is OBSESSED with the lord of the rings. His mother went to work and called home to check on him

Mother: Hi son how are you doing?

Son: Mother I am fine, but I am very busy playing with my troll I have to go.

Mother: Ok son I will call you back in a few hours to see how you are.

Son: Ok mother goodbye

A few hours go by and the mother calls home again

Mother: Hi son how are you?

Son: Mother I thought I told you I am busy guarding my troll and you are bothering me.

Mother: Ok well have you eaten lunch yet?

Son: NO MOTHER, I told you I am very busy guarding my troll, goodbye mother.

Mother: I will call you back in a few hours

A few hours go by again and thinking this is a bit strange she calls home a third time.

Son answers phone and without a word from his mother:

Son: WHAT IS IT? I AM GUARDING MY TROLL LEAVE ME ALONE.

(SLAMS PHONE)

The mother knowing that something is wrong tells her supervisor she needs to go home and leaves. She arrives home and as soon as she walks in the front door she hears banging coming from upstairs. She quickly goes up the stairs and goes into her sons room. The banging is coming from his closet, she quickly runs over to the door and opens it. To her surprise a midget comes flying out of the door and quickly runs out the door and the house.

What happened you ask?

The son opened the front door to a U.S. census taker, thought he was a troll from lord of the rings (never seeing a midget in real life) and quickly scooped him up and brought him up to his room and put him in the closet and was guarding the door so the "troll" couldn't escape.

WALA

Rainman

2010-04-08T11:52:00.006-05:00

The hiatus is over. I offer a sincere apology to our followers, readers, and members of the MC Fraternity.
WIthout further ado, allow the blockade to crumble and the power to be restored. The Bitch is Back!

There was no real reason for time off. Senioritis, procrastination, hunger, whatever-you name it. I was honored yesterday to be bombarded with a blog topic. It was as if I was little Eli Manning and the topic was Trent Cole coming around the edge just blowing me up.

The Rainman

So yesterday in Chicago it was raining-not very hard, but there was a bit of precipitation. As in many major cities, when people see rain, they immediately believe they are John Cusak in 2012 trying to protect themselves from the end of the world.
I was running a bit late to my night class when I was crossing the street from Walgreens to class. As if the rush hour crowd paired with rainfall wasn't enough of a challenge to battle, I had to take on just as many fucking umbrellas as I did people.
I honestly believe people love rain. They love rain because they love umbrellas. They love umbrellas because they are an easy source to hide behind and they can continually commit aggravated assault with the umbrella edges only to follow with a simple "sorry." I will now attempt to put these criminals into their own respective groups:

1. The dickhead golf guy

Heres the dude in the business suit who hates playing golf but loves to wear the apparel. He' been playing for years and never broke par. He seldom takes score, but when he does, he makes sure that there is an immense amount of alcohol flowing so no one really remembers if the scores are correct. One drop of rain and big Philly Mickelson is pulling out this 7ftx7ft Ping umbrella that resembles a B52 bomber. Watch your appendages ladies and gentlemen, this guy does not hold back. They always say "if you're not winning, you're losing." However, in regard to the golf umbrella guy, if you're not under the umbrella, you're in big fucking trouble.

2. Half-assers

These are the folks who just cant let go of anything. Whether it be their unused timeshare in Bermuda, or that shitty Pontiac Sunfire that still works for some reason, or that wallet that is just dying to die. These umbrellas are the biggest weapons of all. Not because of their sheer power or size, but because of their mysteriousness. Sharp metal, flailing plastic, and a viscous holder is the recipe for disaster. This guys is always in a hurry and never willing to make a sacrifice by moving out of the way. Be aware readers, these guys-or girls-have no regard for outside life. You see this, you run.

3. The pretty pretty princesses

Here are all of those women who think they are an extra in Breakfast at Tiffany's. These fine ladies do not even allow for the chance of a bit of rain getting on their chancletas. These women are not as big of a threat to others as the previous 2, but they generate their own problems. If you really needed to talk to one of these ladies-say, if there was a need for directional assistance or the need to let them know that they dropped their purse-oh hell no. Such gals could be on Mars for all we know. They got that iPod mini bumpin Beyonce and there on their way. When it rains, it allows these wannabe babes to enter their own little dome without even the thought of connecting with the outside world.

4. Ass clowns

Here are the fellas who want to make it seem like they dont give a damn about no rain. However, in all reality, they envy the previous 3 umbrella types mentioned above. They grab their NYC metro-and after attempting to finish the crossword puzzle, they make a stupid hat that they learned to make in preschool. Im not sure who taught these fools that a newspaper over your head will keep you dry, but clearly it wasn't Billy Nye the Science Guy. This is a joke. At best, it keeps your hair a bit dry, but say goodbye to your shoes and pants. Man what fools! Although they do not really endanger the surrounding public, they can drive the community into insanity. If you see these guys, also run away. There is a good chance they are going to ask you for some change or to donate to GreenPeace.

See you too soon, folks.
P-D-G

The Fat (Ass) Sandwich

2010-03-10T21:43:00.012-06:00

Among New Brunswick's claims to fame are: The Scarlet Knight's 2006 victory over Louisville, Donald Sutherland, and the Greece Trucks.

These mobile obesity advocates began in the 1980's with a limited menu selection that has since then, grown immensely. Their creation's began when a drunken individual, Darrell, stumbled up to the window and demanded some of the worlds most un-healthy items to be wrapped up in dough and dubbed the concoction the "Fat Darrell". Yum!

Ingredients:

French Fries
Chicken Fingers
Mozzarella Sticks
Marinara Sauce
Lettuce & Tomato (to balance nutrition)
Crack Cocaine

If that line up doesnt make you vom a tablespoon of your last meal into the back of your mouth, then youve probably had one before and possibly even enjoyed it. Shit, I know I have. (Eaten one, not the vom part)

Anyway, here's where most of the attraction comes from; if you are able to eat three of these suckers in under fifteen minutes, you not only get to coin the creation you have just concocted, but you can name it as well. Perffect market for drunk college students stumbling down College Ave at 3:00 am.

Americans, being the fattest basterds on the face of the earth, put that challenge to shame. Man Vs. Food's Adam Richman even attempted the feat but was turned down.

There are now over 24 official Fat Sandwiches. However, there are many unofficial ones, my favorite being the Fat Bitch, which has become dubbed as the Fat Beach for label purposes.

In reaction to this challenge being absolutely destroyed by upcoming classes of fat asses, the challenge has now upped to five sandwiches in under an hour. FIVE SANDWICHES! This is not only abnormal, its inhumane. We have become the culture that rewards our own ability to defy human nature; eating to the point of discomfort and then being pleased with a rewarding outcome. God Bless America.

Typical events that occur in the parking lot of the Greece Trucks:

Indian "gangsters" trying to pick fights. Generally with no avail.
A bare chested girl - did I mention this is a college town?
Someone you know, want to know, or wish you hadn't known.
Policemen sitting in cars idly. Serve and protect baby.
Rafi Richman bumming cigarettes from anything with a heartbeat.

If your ever in the New Brunswick/Rutgers area, stop by theses truly unique trucks and if you dont order one of your own, at least stop to check out the scene, which should certainly be entertaining.

Your Fellow American,

Abe Froman

Mustache March

2010-02-28T20:55:00.009-06:00

Greeting Gents,

As this final day of the month of February comes to an end, we must salute those of our fellow American's that competed vigorously in the 2010 Olympics, especially those American bobsled dudes, they're simply animals.

Next matter of business: as tomorrow is the first day of March, I hope all of you men out there have gotten a head start on your facial display of masculinity, the mustache.

Throughout history, many greats have sported the power bearing mustache such as Ulysses S. Grant, Hulk Hogan, and the Aegis-bearing Zeus. These men, and many more, proudly presented their most proud feature, the mustache. With the creation of and the proud wearers of the Hitler, pushbroom, handlebar, Fu Man Chu, pencil thins, lumberjack, goatee (also accepted: mutton chops, side burns. condemned: soul patches) men have been going strong for centuries, so why can't you?

If you are still in need of convincing before you sprout, feast your eyes on this....

If your lady disapproves, work on your negotiating skills -Martin Luther King Jr. didn't take a minute off.

These flavor savors have been around for millennia (practically since the beginning of man), they have served on some of men's finest across the globe, they makes you look damn sexy and THEY'RE ALL NATURAL!

So lay down your swords (razors) in this fight against Kalvin Klein's ads that tell how a "man" should look and take part in Mustache March, man's public display of masculinity (at least legally).

I certainly know which one I'm doing

Feel free to upload photos along the way.

No guts, No glory,

Abraham P. T. Froman

....so i guess i will make this post

2010-02-28T19:02:00.000-06:00

Alright,

So it has been an hour since the U.S. lost to the fuckin canadians, and yes nate be happy, it is the only thing your country can do. I have to admit if the canadians gave half as much effort as the AMERRRRRICANS i would not have been upset, but the fucking, sloppy mayonase eating, buddy saying, funny accented, stupid french/english "little" american, maple leaf wearing fuckers didn't even really try. To score a goal with 23 seconds is legendary, and then for a fuckin playboy of the NHL to score the game winning shot in sudden death....horseshit I say. Anyway now that I have said that, I do have to say it was the best hockey game I have ever watched. While the U.S. did loose to canada here are our totals as of 8:15 on feb 28....or the end of the 2010 olympics.
I will do the top 5...lets face it after that you suck.

# Country TOTAL Gold Silver Bronze
#1 USA...of course 37 9 15 13
#2 ZE GERMANS! 30 10 13 7
#3 Fuckin Canucks 26 14 7 5
#4 Norwegian girls 23 9 8 6
are real hot
#5 Austria? 16 4 6 6
different from germany?

So gents, there you have it....4 years and we will actually win the fuckin gold from those countries that think they are so amazing at everything.....dont they know.......they aren't AMURRRRRRRRICA!

A hui hou, Hawaii!!

2010-02-27T14:06:00.004-06:00

It always saddens me to have to report unfortunate news. The new "in" natural disaster-the Earthquake-made its' presence known again today. Haiti got its 15 minutes of fame and passed the torch onto the South American Gem of Chili.
The list of A-list celebrities who have become interested in earthquakes has grown exponentially, from Bono to Oprah to Benji Madden, you're only cool if you donate to an earthquake fund. Look out for these A-listers to hop onto Chili, leaving poor ol' Haiti with barely D-listers, such as Sinbad, Ryan Goessling and Tom Green
I am gonna call it right before it happens. The new HOTT relief fund to endorse is going to be the Hawaii Tsunami Fund.
The Chili earthquake has prompted top officials to call an tsunami warning for Hawaii. The earthquake struck at 3:34 a.m. in central Chile.
Evacuation alarms sounded at 6 a.m. Saturday in coastal areas in Hawaii, as the region prepares for what federal officials say could be a dangerous, potentially deadly, tsunami to hit the islands in the aftermath of the earthquake. Waves are expected to reach 6-10 feet.
HO-LY PINEAPPLES! We're gonna have to move fast. Hopefully Hawaiian native Barack Obama has a fool proof plan to save all of the pineapples. There are boatloads of recipes that call for generous amounts of pineapples-recipes that we can just forget ever existed!
I would like to close by bringing attention to all MC Fraternity followers the possibility of a lucrative business plan. We, together, can manufacture, distribute, market, and sell t shirts that read:

Comments Greatly Appreciated

Canadian Hatin'

2010-02-26T11:39:00.007-06:00

After traveling around British Columbia last winter, I realized that Canadians aren't really that bad. Sure, they are too kind, say silly phrases such as "fair enough," and love Celine Dion, but some are actually cool people.
For Bones'sake they are the dang host of the world renown Winter Olympics! Statistics show that host countries never make money off of the Olympic games, rather just the honor and prestige that comes along with it.
Last night, Canada Women's Hockey won the gold against the U.S. in a 2-0 thriller. Normally I would pay zero attention to women's sports, but a trending topic today is the easy bashing of the Gold medalists.

So.Fucking.What. These ladies worked their fannies off to get to this point. Their home city, their sport, their gold medal=their right to celebrate.
Gilbert Felli, the IOC’s executive director of the Olympic Games, claims he wasn’t aware of the celebration until informed by an AP reporter.

“If that’s the case, that is not good. It is not what we want to see,” he said. “I don’t think it’s a good promotion of sport values. If they celebrate in the changing room, that’s one thing, but not in public.

“We will investigate what happened. We will talk to the federation and the NOC. We will first find the facts and then act accordingly,” he said.

>

Really, big Gil, you didn't see it? They sat for about 20 minutes, center ice, lighting their stogies and pounding Molson. How did you get your job as the executive director of the Olympic Games? Were you really too engulfed in the semi-round of mens curling? Gil, Gil, Gil...

As my reporting continues, I read that the Associated Press reports that, oh, the Canadian (gold medal winning) Women's Hockey team apologized..

"The members of Team Canada apologize if their on-ice celebrations, after fans had left the building, have offended anyone," the statement said. "In the excitement of the moment, the celebration left the confines of our dressing room and shouldn't have. The team regrets that its gold medal celebration may have caused the IOC or COC any embarrassment.

Well, IOC, thanks again for taking the fun out out the 2 weeks 2 long sporting event.
Controversy may be the only thing fun about these boring Winter Olympics. All I know is that if-and hopefully when-the U.S. men's hockey team beats the beast out of the Canadian men's hockey team for that luxurious gold medal, we better be well prepared for the celebration of a lifetime. Budweiser, Lady Gaga, and Marlboro reds all night you clown asses.

....but what did that person actually say

2010-02-23T14:27:00.003-06:00

Ok since this sunday I must confess that besides the COPIOUS amounts of wang on chatroulette, it is quite possibly the funniest thing i have come in contact with, and have become what some might consider obsessed. While this is both true and false at the same time i will give an example of what this wonderful website has provided for entertainment.

Story 1: Flipping through different "strangers" the group of friends came across a very good looking person......obviously european because most americans are just down right fat and ugly (see previous post about fat and ugly and skinny and ugly for reminder). So after a few minutes it became apparent that this female was from italy. At which point she saw that cops was on in the background, she then stated in her very adorable broken english that she loves american cop shows.....we then continued to watch cops and have a discussion about anything...she then told us she had to goto bed cuz she had to wake up for school.......ok so how old was she exactly?........we hope 18

Story 2: Instead of being a bunch of boring people on the other end of a video chat we then decided to don the best dumb hats we could find around the house......success.....the compliments began......the portable computer some of you may know as the macbook has a camera built in.....genious roomate decided to take our next new friend or friends on a trip around the house very fast......creating the illusion of a rollercoaster ride....the people thought it was halirous

Story 3: so it is inevitable that we will meet a peni or 50....it is common response to these retarded fappers of pud to quickly skip by. We came to a friend wearing a mask and gave him a chance......wrong move.....the masked figure looked a little bit naked in close up view of his face....and indeed just when i informed the group this male was naked he stepped back and gave his best impression of beyonce with nothing more than a mardi gras mask on.........in his defense......best pratical joke played on chatroulette to date to me.

Story 4: a few clicks after the master of the penis game.....we ran into a very jolly x box gamer. How you may ask do i know he was an xbox enthusiast? Well i shall tell you. Our xbox friend was sitting in a desk chair reclined with his headset on holding a xbox controller...upon hearing that he connected to a new friend he looked over....not wearing a shirt....jiggling all his many rolls laughing and dancing....this produced the best laughing spell that i have gone into in a very extended amount of time.

So before you write off chatroulette becuase you feel like a creep by yourself, sit down with a bucnh of friends and just enjoy the ride. If you can look past the bounty of floppy,saggy,curved, or hard peni....this is your place for fun.

K bye now,
Master of plaster disaster

Toad-ally cool!!!

2010-02-23T11:49:00.006-06:00

The MC Fraternity Blog prides itself on the ability to cover an eclectic array of topics. We've seen everything from sports to mustaches to sleep advice. I got the idea for today's post from a conversation I overheard on the Brown Line CTA on my way to class this morning...
Girl 1: "He's just been sleeping a lot. I mean, he really doesn't do much else. Monte has been overall, pretty boring"
I assumed that the pair was talking about another human, but I was shocked when I heard the revealing news..
Man 1: "Well, Anne, you asked for a frog. Had you asked for a dog or cat, your life may be more entertaining. Frogs really just jump around and make silly noises and give you warts."
If I didn't hear the word frog, I may have been inclined to believe they were talking about a colleague, JMB.

So, BOOM, there it is. My topic for Tubular Tuesday. The desire to prove that frogs, although not coined as "man's best friend," can make a fun companion. The often overlooked amphibian has shaped our lives in more ways than one, even if we don't like to admit it. Without further ado, allow me to reintroduce the Frog.

Six Famous Frogs, in no particular order, that have touched us all, metaphorically speaking.
1. kermit the frog-longtime muppet show and sesame street character. all around great guy
2. the frog prince- loser fairy tail frog who turns into a mel gibson look-a-like when he gets kissed
3. slippy toad- character from Nintendo 64's Star Fox. he embodied a boss-like figure
4. frogger- dude plays himself, but he tends not to look both ways.
5. Michael J. Frog- soprano singer from looney tunes. bangerang's favorite.
6.Leap frog- that learning tool for idiots and foreigners

Shit, man, you can even cook with a frog.

Regardless of how perceive this post-offensive, funny, or sad-just realize that frogs are people too. They try their hardest, they used to watch TRL, and they, too, occasionally find themselves looking at too many Johnsons on Chatroulette.com

In the words of House of Pain, "Jump Around"

The TRyfecta

2010-02-21T13:29:00.006-06:00

The MC Fraternity, conditioned from years of excellence, may have just reached its' pinnacle.
The Trifecta: Sunday, February 21, 2010. Not one, not two, Three. Three fuckin blog posts in the same day. That's similar to, say, Jesus coming home, or free Netflix for life.

The Study of the Trifecta:

Horse racing:the formula for this is easy; land the trifecta and see big bucks. The requires you, the compulsive gambler. to predict, in correct order, the horse that will finish first, second, and third.

Politics: this situation refers to an executive of government appointing another elected official to a position and then appoints his successor. in other words, the executive can appoint an elected official to a position, appoint another elected official to the other's previous position, and finally appoint anyone to the second official's spot.

Other sport: basketball, referring to the good ol' three point shot. Refer to Michael Redd. Lacrosse, hockey, or really any scoring of three points/goals. You know what they say, sometimes a hat trick, always a trifecta.

To some, Three is the Magic Numer:

Regardless on your take on the trifectin' three, its' power, today atleast, can't be doubted.
There are three wishes, three leprecons, three amigos, three stooges, three muskateers, three little bears, three prince or princesses,three toed sloth, three witches, three weird sisters among others, fuck, even third eye blind.

To the girl scout in all of us.

-PicoDG

Skiing with slanty eyes

2010-02-21T12:17:00.003-06:00

While yes the title may seem a bit over the top, but come on lets face it....impared vision and skiing...dont mix well. While skiing over the past weekend or so i took it upon myself to take a little look around. Not only had the sport of skiing become a fashion show, but it has become a fashion show that lets the ugly fat girls in. I mean this figuratively of course, nothing is sexier than a snow bunny and her matching outfit and a man that is way below her standards obviously not her boyfriend but a friend that figures he can use his edge....haha.....in skiing to prove that he is up to her standards because he has mastered this skill of skiing.....but i digest.....When going skiing there are certain rules that one should abide by, and if you have ever been skiing you know those that i am talking about....here are my version of the skiing rules that our yellow friends from across the pond have such a hard time with.

a#1: Be sure to remove your skis before entering the bar or hot tub...sharp edges and drunk ppl along with bare skin can be quite dangerous

b#2: Don't eat yellow snow.....i know...but they are asian they do some wacky shit

c#3: Falling is always appropriate.....IF you take someone down with you.....more points for more people

D#4: Those that are novice skiers...e.g. "pizza pieing" down a black diamond.....can be considered a hostile entity and should be treated with the upmost caution....even a ski pole to the back of the head is acceptable.

E#5: Just because she has a nice pair of goggles and blonde pigtails coming out of her hat means nothing in terms of how hot she could be....common trick by the skinny ugly women.....see revious mention about fat and ugly.

F#6: Making sure to be as loud as possible and seem like your having the most fun really shows you the people who are misserable on the mountain....for instance the family with 3 little children all of which they put at the top of a diamond and you have taken the chair lift 4 times and seen the two parents and their 3 children in the same spot on a trail all the while heckeling saying "should have listened to the kids that said they would be happy with chuckie cheese"

G#6: While this may be something that goes for almost any situation....groin injuries are even funnier when skiing.......click here for some proof.

So when you go skiing this season, or what is left of it, just remember these simple rules and you will have a gaggle of fun.

that is all,
toodles

Plan B

2010-02-21T11:05:00.006-06:00

If you have a TV and/or a social life, you've most certainly heard about the worlds beloved golfer, Tiger Woods, and his recent sexual and marital escapades. In November of 2009, his pristine reputation, life, and pretty face, were all soiled as his sexual affairs became uncovered in the press and face became covered in bandages.

Tiger woods, husband to Elin Nordegren, had been having multiple affairs with various sexual partners (all the way down to the pretty little cocktail servers) and been getting away with it...until Elin found out, beat him up, and left him for dead in the middle of their quiet neighborhood street. Tough love.

You really have some explaining to do if you feel the desire to cheat on this hideous monster.

To better his "case", Tiger appeared on public television to express his thoughts and feelings regarding the incident via a prepared statement (included below).

Covered by everything from mid-day ESPN coverage to an interuption in CNBC's Squawk on the Street, Tiger effectively took the spotlight as he publicly acknowledged and apologized for his crude behavior.

The thing that grinds many gears like my own is the fact that nowadays, thanks to ESPN's revolutionary round-the-clock coverage of the sports world, is that no longer will the lives of athletes and their performances be separated. From Mike Tyson (a colleague favorite) to Barry Bonds, the lives of our idolized pin-ups will never be free from illustrative exploitation.

My favorite example of a proper lesson taught to the media was when San Francisco pitcher, Tim Lincecum, was pulled over in the Bay Area and, after a thorough search, arrested for possession of marijuana and paraphernalia. Best part: this baseball-whipping, chronic smoking, lock-flowing, San Franciscan boy didn't give a rats tail. He publicly confessed, paid his fines, and continued on with his career/extracurricular hobbies.

I can only hope that these type of stand-up citizens can help set the stage for some of the other, less ballsy, athletes; the ones who have to hide behind closed doors or dark garments only give the media something to thrive off. What would you prefer: a publicly demanded apology followed by years of shame, or a relatively small fine and a implicit FU to our favorite, The American Press?

Keep on Skankin',

The Sausage King of Chicago

The Olympians Would Be Proud

2010-02-17T18:39:00.008-06:00

Accompanying the summit of the winter season, along with Valentine's and Presidents Day, is the 16-day marathon of the world's finest athletes competing for the gold. This lap around, hosted in Vancouver, British Columbia, is the winter sports including, but not limited to, hockey, skiing, snowboarding, and my favorite, curling...

The Olympics has its roots buried deep within the ancient Greek civilization. During a time (8th century B.C.E.) when gods literally ran, and ruined, the lives of civilians, the Greek people took great pride in honoring the gods atop Mt. Olympus via games, parades, and sacrifices. Teams were formed from Greek polei, or city-states, and all gathered in Athens to compete. The games the Greeks played, all in honor of various gods, ranged from barefoot races, naked wrestling, and discus tossing. Wouldnt't want to piss this guy off?

He'll put a lightening bolt right between your cheeks.

Anyway, with all kinds of expectations for American athletes such as Apolo Ohno, Shaun White, and, my personal favorite, Lindsey Vonn, the attention drifts away from non-contributing countries and focuses solely on the elite of the Northern hemisphere.

However, I would like to revert some attention back to our globe's not-so-fortunate players, such as Africa's sole contributor to Vancouvers Winter Olympics XXI.

Without further ado, let me introduce introduce Ghana's primary, and only, skiier, Kwame Nkruman-Acheampong. Dubbed the "Snow Leopard", this Ghanese downhill skier offers a tale unlike many other developed-country's prospects. Hailing from North-West Africa, this passionate skier competes solo in every sense of the word.

Acting as his own doctor, coach, trainer, and driver, Kwame will enter this years Olympic competitions sleeping in his own van. Previously, he's even had to return home to Ghana mid-competition because he ran out of money.

Next time you turn on NBC to cheer on America's finest, just remember all the unfortunate athletes who do not have the opportunity to compete the way we did...as children.

Pardon my absence,

Abe Froman

Fatass Tuesday

2010-02-16T11:37:00.002-06:00

Not much pisses me off more than fat people, but the fact that they get their own day really puts the high calorie icing on the already high calorie cake.
So we find ourselves at the culmination of Mardi Gras, which is actually French for Fat Tuesday. But my question remains: why is this carnival celebration, which thousands of people all across the world enjoy, dedicated to fat people? Here is where I begin my research, primarily focused o the United States' celebratory version:
Mardi Gras arrived in North America as a French Catholic tradition with the Le Moyne brothers, Pierre Le Moyne and Jean-Baptiste Le Moyne , in the late 17th century, when King Louis XIV sent the pair to defend France's claim on the territory of Louisiane, which included what are now the U.S. states of Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana.
America, which is 66% overweight or obese, calculates body fat using the BMI scale. The top(fattest) states just happen to be...
1. Mississippi: 30.3%
2. West Virginia: 30.1%
3. Louisiana: 30%
4. South Carolina: 28.5%
5. Alabama: 28.1%
Ok, so King Louis XIV sent his minions to the fatass states to defend the French territory. Now we're getting somewhere...
In 1723, the capital of Louisiana was moved to New Orleans, founded in 1718. New Orleans gained the nickname, "The Big Easy," which, ironically enough, is the name of a locally craved sandwich, which also goes by the name "The Muffaletta."
This manmade god-like creation has, according to FoodTV's Bobby Flay, 952 calories and 54 grams of fat, per serving, which is roughly 83% of your suggested daily intake (based on a 2,000 calorie diet).

So here we are at a final conclusion. As Americans, we like to turn a cold shoulder toward the dark realizations of internal issues. Obesity is one that is shortening our life span, positioning us as the butt of jokes, damaging the self esteem of our children, and jacking up our health care costs to compensate for those who are "just too tired" to go for a goddarn walk or 2.

Not only do we not realize, we celebrate. So, fellow Americans, enjoy your fatass Tuesday. Go celebrate the demise of our once beloved nation and head to a local sandwich shop to have their version of "heart attack on sicilian bread."
But me, Ill be waiting in the wings for my favorite holiday; Mentally Retarded Friday. Shalom!

"Me, Mike, the Knockout Kid"

2010-02-11T11:36:00.004-06:00

Today is the 20 year anniversary of the Buster Douglas/Tyson superbrawl
He was the most feared person in all of the years for 15+ years. To many, he still is. To most, he is just bat-shit crazy.
Iron Mike, Kid dynomite, the baddest man in the land, the knockout kid, or simply Tyson. All of his names are synonomous with knockouts, facial tattoos, rape, and appendage biting. Regardless, he was an influencial man in not only sports, but all facets of the American world.
Tyson derived from the Bed-Sty neighborhood of Brooklyn. His pops abandoned him and his family when Mike was 2.
By the age of 13, Mike was arrested 38 times.
Mike spent his early years at the Tryon School for Boys in upstate New York, a controversial "learning" facility recently featured in NY Mag.
He was discovered by a teacher there who was amazed by his strong fighting skills. He bounced around different training facilities and ended up making the US Junior Olympic team, where he still holds a record-quickest knockout, 8 seconds.
His professional career quickly took off. Iron Mike won his first 26 of 28 fights by knockout.

At the age of 20, Tyson became the youngest ever to win the WBC heavyweight title.
He experienced 3 years of immense success, which ultimately lead to his controversies outside of the ring. His divorce to then-wife Robin Givens, contract disputes with Don King, firing of his longime trainer Kevin Rooney all contributed. 1990 marked his loss of the undisputed heavy weight title to Buster Douglass.
Tyson was arrested in 1991 for alleged rape of an 18yr old (girl).Tyson didnt fight again until 1995.

Tyson tried to resurrect his career by agreeing to fight another comeback kid, Evander Holyfield. The first bout, which Tyson was the great favorite, led to a Holyfield win, by TKO, in the 11th.
Tyson agreed to fight Holyfield again in 1997. The purse was a then-record, Tyson receiving $30 mil and Holyfield receiving $35 mil. We all know what happened, the "bite fight."
Tyson agreed to fight Lennox Lewis, another attempt to regain the heavyweight title, but a brawl between the two that occured during a press conference put any chances to rest.
Tyson's career was officially over. He committed himself to missionary work, pigeon tending, a stunt with the WWF, and recreating his "failure of a life."
However, bankruptcy and a felony DUI kept Tyson from ever becoming an upstanding citizen. Coined by many as the "greatest boxer of all time," Tyson's uneducated childhood, paired with media stardom and the popular demand for his succees, led to his immaculate failure.
For what its worth, Tyson is still a champion in my eyes, even if just for comedic value.

The Power(ful) Nap

2010-02-09T17:28:00.006-06:00

"Increases Productivity, Stress Relief, and Health"

The nap rocks. Whether it comes at noon on a hungover day, 3pm after a long day of work, or at 5pm before a powerful night of drinking, it always seems to serve a purpose. I feel as if I am a professional at napping, but there are definitely some naps that are better than others. Everyone I talk to seems to know the recipe for the perfect nap..."20 minutes," "30 minutes," "45 minutes."

I am set out today to find that exact formula.
Most scientists argue that Sleep has 4 stages.
Stage 1-light sleep where you drift in and out of sleep and can be awakened easily. The eyes move slowly and muscle activity slows.
Stage 2-eye movement stops and brain waves become slower with only an occasional burst of rapid brain waves.
Stage 3-extremely slow brain waves called delta waves are interspersed with smaller, faster waves(REM begins)
Stage 4- the brain produces delta waves almost exclusively. WIth the amount of boozing we've done, we probably have not experienced stage 4 sleep in about 6 years. (Exclusively REM)

-Studies show that 20 minutes of sleep in the afternoon provides more rest than 20 minutes more sleep in the morning. The body seems to be designed for this, as most people’s bodies naturally become more tired in the afternoon, about 8 hours after we wake up.
-Many experts advise to keep the nap between 15 and 30 minutes, as sleeping longer gets you into deeper stages of sleep, from which it’s more difficult to awaken. Also, longer naps can make it more difficult to fall asleep at night. However, Some* research has shown that a 1-hour nap has many more restorative effects than a 30-minute nap, including a much greater improvement in cognitive functioning. From personal experience, the longer naps leave me a bit groggy. However, if after a long nap I get out of bed quickly and begin to function normally (as opposed to laying in bed like a bumdum) I tend to be OK.
-A short afternoon catnap of 20 minutes yields mostly Stage 2 sleep, which enhances alertness and concentration, elevates mood, and sharpens motor skills. Naps of up to 45 minutes may also include rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, which enhances creative thinking and boosts sensory processing.

The overall message** we can take away from this is that naps are good! Regardless how long they are for, they allow your body some type of positive improvement. If a nap exceeds 6 hours, it is considered a night's sleep. . Whether considered a catnap, powernap, or my personal favorite-midsummer afternoon's dream-I will forever live and die(and sleep) by the nap.

Too much napping and........

**some information provided by umdnj.edu

Steve Berg-A Man's Man

2010-02-06T18:12:00.005-06:00

Allow this to be the first of many profiles. Many of you may not be aware of Steve Berg's expertise.
He began his illustrious acting career by appearing on a short lived TV show called "Ronnie." His most recognized appearance on Ronnie came during a season 1 episode, "Who let the Nate Dog Out?"

Year of the Dog, Zoey 101, Las Vegas, Ghost Whisperer, and Gentlemen Bronco are all TV shows that Berg may have made an appearance on, according to IMBD. If those tv shows actually exist is the real question.

All of his cameos consisted of characters described as "Groupie, "Beer-Guzzling Guy," and "Delivery Man."
Mr. Berg's current career consists of his vocals in the band Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog.
These three videos, which brought me to loving Berg, need to be shared with the world. If there is anything that would encourage me to order a nice tall Mike's Hard, it is the genius of the Berganator.

2010-02-04T20:38:00.003-06:00

many people hate on soccer. heres a reason why its not so bad...

ever see a Yankee fan do that?

A. Man

The Hangover, Literally

2010-02-04T11:40:00.004-06:00

Thirsty Thurs
We've all been there, some too often. They come in different shapes and sizes. Some are headaches, some are upset stomachs, some involve vomiting, some sneak up on you, and some are so bad they keep you from moving for hours upon hours. Regardless of your type, you have had a hangover at least once in your life-that is, unless your babydick herits.
By now we have all developed our own remedy to this literal hell. Gatorade,B-12 Vitamins, water, greasy food, exercise, sleep, you name it, we've tried it. My goal today is to offer expertise on the subject from some respected physicians.
Getting drunk is, for better or worse, the poisoning of your body. Alcohol enters your bloodstream at a rapid rate, smothering the frontal lobe of your brain, which releases its control of your judgment and social inhibitions. All symptoms of hangovers stem from your body's attempts to process alcohol and rid your system of it.
1.Rehydrating your body is the key to recovering from the hangover, and this cannot be stressed enough. You can even put some lemon in your water, it'll help soothe your stomach and will add vitamin C!!
2. No coffee bitches;Caffeine will only dehydrate you more, and since it's also a diuretic, it will not help your stomach. Milk and other dairy products are also not a good idea; they may make you feel more queasy.
3. My personal go-to..If you don't want to drink water, try a glass of flat ginger ale, which helps soothe your stomach!
4. Use a cold rag-An effective way to alleviate the pain is to lie in a dark room, with a cool compress on your head.
5. Some other options I found- Vitamin C, Fruit, Honey, Toast, and Sleep.

If none of these are an option, I would suggest watching a bad movie. It has helped me in the past. Some recommendations; Rescue Dawn, Annie, Miracle and St. Anna, Megan's Body, etc. Feel free to comment with any remedies of your own, and or bad movie recommendations. For now, Ill keep it to the shrubbery.
Keep it TIght

on the road again.....

2010-02-03T19:17:00.003-06:00

This week my car hit 50,000 miles. I realize this is a milestone in any cars life and i celebrated by getting pulled over by a state trooper. This of course is the best way to celebrate any event.....on the way home from an aniversary party......or when your driving home with 5 strippers that you intend to do dirty dirty things to.

But enough of that.

5 reasons to NOT wipe your ass.

a#1: you can fart and blow poop bubbles
b#2: you can give anyone at any point in the day a dirty sanchez
c#3: you like to mark the underwear you wore that day
d#4: Think of all that time and the trees you will save
e#5: If you like your own brand all day will be heavenly

thats all for now,
Artemis Noisewater

ClIcK tHiS ShIT

HD Makes Moves

2010-02-03T09:24:00.004-06:00

After 5 years of high school and another 3 of college Mr. Hd plans to travel for the first time. I plan on heading to uva to see nate recieve his diploma. I hope they announce his name as SOS and not Brent. After a week in VA, I plan to get a one-way ticket and fly to CHI-Town. Me and SOS will spend a week in CHI-Town and watch Pete receive his diploma. Then we will spend 15hrs or so driving back to Jersey in a u-haul. Fucking with SOS and singing "we are the 3 best friends that anyone could ever have". This is just a start to my summer and a start to adding more memories to the great ones, us, the Moose Club, already have.

3D: Inevitable Disguised Pain?

2010-02-01T12:44:00.003-06:00

Marnin'!
Today marks Avatar's 7th week atop the box office. This got me thinking-are all movie producers going to follow this inevitable trend that leads to millions upon millions of dollars? Yes, I saw Avatar, and although I liked it, I am not a full believer that 3D is worth the trouble. With an amazing list of movies that will be released in 2010, it seems that all people can look forward to is Alice in Wonderland, 3D nonetheless.
Sure, Tim Burton is a genius to some, Johnny Depp is one of the greatest actors of our generation, and the story is timeless. However, I do not believe that 3D is worth the hype; follow along...
1. The "Stiffy"- when I saw Avatar, I unfortunately got there a whole 3 minutes late. I was then excommunicated by the engulfed crowd for making a peep, and then forced to sit in the very front row, all the way on the right side-the 2 last remaining seats. I was so excited to keep up with the jones' that I didn't even mind. That is, until about 10 minutes into the movie. My neck was completely sore from having to look up and far left. Also, 3D films are designed to be most effective when viewed from a front and center position. There were many times throughout the film when I couldn't make out what Jake Sully was doing because of how sketchy the lines were. Next time Ill be sure to camp out to get that prime location.
2. People puke. I do not have a weak stomach, so I was fairly OK. However, I heard from various people that they either had to leave the film, stop watching at parts, or felt sick afterwards. 3D is a commitment, and sometimes people over commit themselves. There are no warnings beforehand, so bring your Scopolamine!
3. Prices. Yes, I am sure James Cameron and his producers spent a buttload of money on Avatar, but are the 3D glasses really worth an additional $3.50 on the ticket prices? Some theaters do not even have the option to view Avatar in a 2D setting. I paid $14 for my ticket in Chicago, but...got to keep my 3D glasses! Hope they have more 3d 20 second Super Bowl ads this year! Inflated prices=Loews making bank=no after movie beers for me.
4. Inflated Numbers!!!! This just dawned on me. Avatar is becoming the number 1 movie of all time for gross income. At $14, of course it has the edge on Edge of Darkness(in 2D) which goes for $10. Why have a movie that only makes $400 million at the box office when you can add 3D and bump that to $600 million?

Avatar was a great movie, I dont take anything away from the production, cast, or story. However, if this is going to be a regular trend, I hope the price drops. No one is going to pay $14 to see Precious in 3D, I'll tell you that much.

And how do YOU like YOUR steak prepared?

2010-01-31T18:01:00.005-06:00

This posting comes by request from a dear friend.

I, like some, was very secluded to the extremely large and growing world of dating services. We have all seen commercials for eharmony.com or chemistry.com but have you ever met a couple who succeed with such services? Just recently, I had the opportunity to participate in the The Worlds largest speed dating event.

Hosted by Purple Lab, this dating event was stumbled upon by a roommate of mine and sparked an interest with almost all of us. Mainly because of the lack of information we had on its nature; the only knowledge I had on the topic was gathered from scenes of 40 Year Old Virgin and stories told to me by a dear friend, Gomez. My curiosity led me to the water front W Hotel in Hoboken, New Jersey, an ideal place to meet your true love.

Clearly, none of us 21-22 year old college students were looking for those true loves, but then again, no one plans to meet a true love. Right? However, the snowballing curiosity finally got us all in.

Here's a quick play-by-play from my experience.

Minor preliminary drinking at our apartment - something to "take the edge off".
One mode of transportation to another until we reached our final destination...1 hour late.
After missing the introduction/welcome speech, we quickly found our seats. (There are no names/name tags, only numbers. I was B133. Females were F###.)
The room was quite large with a DJ type host stand to keep the mood set with some background music. I found and met my first date.
Sat down across from G133 (Patty), a 31 year old, believe it or not, hottie. I was quite surprised to see myself sitting in such a position.
Her drink was empty, mine was non-existent. She purchased us a round. God bless traveling business women and Johnny Walker Black. W Hotels are not cheap.
We chatted for three minutes after the initial commencement and then got up, and moved one seat to the right.
Patty turned to Chelsea, Chelsea to Katheryn, Katheryn to Sarah.... You get the idea.
After all 20 dates are over and your little pad is full of fun people's names/numbers, everyone spills out into the hotel lobby bar for the "follow-ups". The real ballers went to the Champaigne Room for bottle service. Damn yuppies.

Lesson Learned: There are two types of people you will encounter when speed dating. Singles eagerly looking to get laid/find love. And then there are those people's friends, brought along to make themselves feel less sorry and less awkward. I like to categorize myself as the latter.

If any of you readers get the opportunity to give this adventure a shot, I HIGHLY recommend doing so. If you can top a middle-management employee of a skyscraper window repair and cleaning company, go for it. 'Cause that was my profession.

With Love,

Abe Froman

(Yup, thats me)

Goodbye for Good, JD

2010-01-29T13:51:00.002-06:00

January 27th marked the day of eternal passing for a man whom some would argue was the greatest author ever.
JD Salinger may have just been the most influential author in our time. The Catcher in the Rye has been a staple in the American education curriculum for years, and rightfully so.
Natural causes brought him to the end of his life in his home in Cornish, New Hampshire, where he had been living in Seclusion for over 50 years.
Thanks to Mr. Tyrell and the Brothers of St. Joseph, I had the opportunity, as all should, to read "Catcher." Aside from its' immediate best seller status, the book granted young men and women the right to question their own mental stability. Holden Caufield made us realize that life is hard, at times almost too hard, but the only passage to internal freedom is through your own feelings.
Over 250,000 paperback copies of the life changing book are sold each year.
Salinger, aside from his literary genius, was notorious for being a recluse. A 6 and a half foot fence was built around his home to keep him free from potential reporters or interested fans. He would be seen by neighbors walking to a guest house, built directly behind the main house, every morning. It was there where he continued to write, from 1953 until his death at 91 years old, every single day. While the vast majority of his writings have never been released, and I am sure under a clause in his will-never will be, he still devoted his entire life to writing.
He was known to only leave his home on vacations to Florida, where he would meet with the former New Yorker editor-in-chief, William Shawn.
An unfortunate memoir was released in 1998 by a former lover of his, Joyce Maynard. The memoir spoke of Salinger as "sexually manipulative" and "clinically insane." This only added to his distrust of the outside world, along with his true hatred of news reporting.
His early years consisted of Salinger, known to his pals as "Sonny," living a life similar to one of Holden himself. Salinger attended the swaggy McBurney School in the Upper West Side of NYC. Captain of the fencing team and the literary editor of the school yearbook, created a divine similarity to Holden.
I came across this piece, a poem that Salinger submitted to his senior year yearbook...

Hide not thy tears on this last day

Your sorrow has no shame;

To march no more midst lines of gray;

No longer play the game.

Four years have passed in joyful ways — Wouldst stay those old times dear?

Then cherish now these fleeting days,

The few while you are here.

This unfortunate passing leaves the world without one of the most influential authors of all time. The story of his life is a great example of how media popularity can literally kill a man. "Nine Stories" "Franny and Zooey" "Raise High the Roofbeam, Carpenters and Seymour: An Introduction" Three additional pieces of his that I have yet to read, but am strongly encouraged.
RIP JD, youre message and words will live in infamy.

Are there any asians or bones in the back?

2010-01-28T16:47:00.003-06:00

Movies I have watched today:

A#1: finished watching Slap Shot
B#2: Zach Galifranakas stand up- plays alot of piano- very funny
C#3: Tosh from Tosh.O- funny also
D#4: So I Married an Axe Murderer- Mike Myers trys out fat bastard many years before Austin Powers
E#5: na na naananana Batman Returns-Danny Deveto is so cute and cuddly

.....but i digest.....joke i know the word is digress

I do not find the four years at school i have had were like a blink, but infact feel i have lived in the time and have the memories but time for a new chapter.....thats it for now.

Heil Christoper Walken,
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

Click it....you wont........

Super Bowl Backstory: Collieman

2010-01-28T12:40:00.004-06:00

Superbowl 44: Unless you live in Indiana or Louisiana, or for some reason god-forsaken reason like the Colts or Saints, this year's matchup is going to be fairly boring. Sure, we have Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne, Drew Brees, and Reggie Bush. But the rest of both rosters seem fairly uninteresting.
It was last week's AFC Championship game when Mr. Manning tore up the Jets secondary through the likes of an unsung hero. His name: Austin Collie. He is a very deceiving sonuvabitch, so I was determined to find out more about him. No one can just come into the NFL, having no previous college prestige, and do what this kid's been doing week in and week out. So, Mr. Number 17, I begin my investigative research.
Full name: Austin Kirk Collie
Born: November, 1985, Ontario, Canada
Drafted 127th overall, by the Colts, out of BYU.
Personal Accolades: Graduated with a 4.0 GPA, father, Scott, played in the CFL. Spent many nights in Buenos Aires doing missionary visits under the Church of Latter Day Saints.

All of this seems too mediocre. How can this kid, the 4th receiver on the depth chart, be this good? Hard work in school, good genes, God's help-all of these are normal now-a-day's. What does Austin Collie do that other 4th round picks don't do.
And then........

I found the answer

BOA=bank of america, basterds operating atrocity

2010-01-27T15:34:00.008-06:00

Today began wonderfully. My flu-like symptoms were minimal, free breakfast, and a light work load. I receive a text, A TEXT, from Bank of America telling me that they were skeptical of recent charges. I race online to see what these "unusual charges" were. 45$ from a McDonalds in California, 201$ from Target.com, 56$ from a Super Savor (I am assuming it is a grocery store) in California, and another 200$ from Amazon.com.
A.) Who can eat 45$ worth of McDonalds?
B.) I live in Chicago, 2,018 miles away from Burbank, CA
C.) IT TAKES 515$ IN CHARGES FOR THEM TO REALIZE???

I am not too mad, I was assured that I would be reimbursed for these charges once they "post" which may take 2-3 days. I get a temporary ATM card in the meantime. I did nothing wrong; no purchases from odd websites, no losing my card, no flashing of the numbers. So, if your day sucks as much as mine, or might in the near future, take a look at a few of these pictures I found that helped make my situation OK. And, for future reference, keep up on your online banking. It seems as if any fraudulent charges under 500$ might go unnoticed. And pay attention to your texts, some may be more informative than others!

Sick as a ?

2010-01-26T11:46:00.004-06:00

Its a freezing cold Tuesday in Chicago. I have an enormous work week ahead of me, and fortunately enough, I am sick!
Fever, congestion, headache, fatigue-name it, I have it. Sure, I am optimistic; "It's a 1 day flu," but I have to be careful. The weatherman claims this week will be snow filled with highs in the mid teens. Lucky enough for me, I have the internet. And why you ask, well, to follow any/every suggestion for beating the "common cold." This got me thinking, what do professionals suggest is a good remedy? I usually resort to Vitamin C, sleep, and some Dayquil-but this one's different- I am gonna follow a new routine:

1.Research suggests that taking zinc from the first onset of symptoms can shorten the duration of a cold or sore throat.
2.Garlic has excellent anti-viral properties and is another immune-system booster. The bad news is that it is most effective in its raw state.
3.A few brazil nuts will help boost your body's levels of selenium.
4.Chicken soup: known as "Jewish Pencillin". Highly digestible and nourishing, it will make us feel better even if we can't explain why.

Considering I'm zincless, not a Jew, refusing to eat raw garlic, and without brazil nuts, it seems as if I will down some OTC cough syrup and give it a good ol' trip-n-snooze. Hopefully this time tomorrow I will have beat it, otherwise, time to call in the reinforcements!

-Galo

Pay to Play-or to advertise while they play

2010-01-21T17:07:00.007-06:00

You would think that in the age of online advertising a company's interest in commercial television ads would not be atop their list. The Super Bowl draws more viewers than does the Pope's inaugural ceremony. Some people like to watch a man lead a Bronco's team to a last second victory more than they like to watch a man lead Catholicism to the butt of every late-night television joke.
Lets look at the numbers:
The 2008 game between the New York Giants and New England Patriots drew a 43.1 rating-meaning just over 43% of household televisions in the United States had the game on. Poor Brady! The game also had a record 97.4 million viewers. Both statistics are still records-slightly beating last year's numbers in the Steeler/Cardinal matchup.

The average television ad is 30 seconds.

The cost of a 30 second advertisement in 1967-Superbowl I-was $37,500. Coulda bought a Jeep!

20 years later- Superbowl XXI- the cost skyrocketed to $600,000.

Fast forward to 2002. The Bucs beat the Raiders 48-21. "Terry Tate, Office Linebacker" was introduced and soon after became an online phenomenon. Cost? $2.2 million.

The Associated Press reported that the average cost of an ad for this Super Bowl (Jets 41-Vikings 9) is roughly $2.6 Million!
In a "down" economy, it is mind numbing to think that some smaller companies-especially those with frozen credit lines from major banks- can even stand a chance to compete with the big wigs, i.e. Budweiser, Coke, Ford, and BP.
Hope you readers have some Sodoku, because unless you are willing to watch 16 different versions of "Ford:Drive One!" you're going to need something else to look forward to...

Go Gang Green!

P-D-G

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GprriwKhQw

Got Money for Wars But Can't Feed Our Poor

2010-01-20T20:10:00.005-06:00

In recent news, the island shared by Haiti and the Dominican Republic was struck with a devastating earthquake living the Haiti in a state of chaos. Looting and rioting are only a few of the byproducts created by this natural disaster. The United States, acting as a global Mother Teresa, has once again lent a hand to those in need. At times of absolute desire, any help is needed. Our prayers are with the victims and their families.

As always, the United States has acted in it's natural paternal role and sent much relief to the Haitian families affected by the earthquake. Whether out of need for to bolster the public perception or to actually allocate Federal funds to projects believed to promote "democracy", the United States has begun our stream of support. Is this actually the most humane solution? Do we really need to see devastating natural disasters before we can really label something as fucked? Are we the ones who should even be lending a helping hand when we have disasters of our own?

Anyone observing places like South Central Los Angeles, the Bronx borough of New York City, or Chicago's South Side can vouch that they are not the most ideal living atmospheres. With visibly high crime rates, low-income housing units, and lack of proper Public Benevolence forces, these areas are the unfortunate result of mishandled urban maintenance.

That being noted, are we really so perfect that we can export aid when we can hardly change the problems that plague our own soil? Haiti is currently most burdened with riots that have arisen from a lack of proper law enforcment. The Haitian government, although fully acknowledging the fact, are not able to provide adequate resources. This is exactly where the U.S Federal, State, and Local governments stand on the high crime sections of America, except in American 'able' is the word of focus.

Our news media plays a crucial role in the grand scheme of things. In a recent NFL playoff game, select Haitian members of the New Orleans Saints publicaly broadcasted ways in which fans can provide aid to Haiti and be rewarded with NFL memorabilia. That's what American's need? are we really that manipulative? Our own streets are run with problems of our own, but Pierson Prioleau will send you an autograph if you text HAITI to 99899.

"Open your own eyes,
Look within,
Are you satisfied with the life your living?"

(A quote from Bob Marley's song Redemption Song, but also a creed that President Obabma ought to recognize)

-A. Fro

Napster: Their Reign, Bankruptcy, & Revival?

2010-01-19T11:59:00.002-06:00

I can vividly remember the sound of a dial-up internet connect paired with the anticipation of hoping to successfully make it onto the world wide web.
My vehicle at the time was a 16 lb., $2,000, Dell BEAST with a pendulum processor. Breakfast of championships.

Originally, I would wait the 6 minutes to connect to go on AIM and chat with the neighborhood pals or play some sort of interactive game, usually a SI for kids game with an occasional addictinggames.com

However, it was after my cousin informed me that music could be downloaded for freeee from a program, at the time, recently introduced. One. Word. Napster.

This new technology of peer-to-peer downloading quickly arose to the top of download.com's most sought after programs list. In December of 2000, 1.5 years after it was probably made in a basement by an MIT graduate student, Napster was downloaded a record 20 million times. Quick math-if each user only had 20 files-there were 400 million available files for online "sharing."
Life was great-Yankees were continuing their reign, and music, all music-from Pearl Jam to Spice Girls to Ice Cube-was absolutely free and only a click away.

Then, unfortunately, came the ego's of Metallica. Accusing the Napster company of copyright infringement, Metallica was willing to "enter sandman" mode if they were not going to see their hard earned royalties.
Napster claimed what they were doing-simply offering a program for users to trade the music-was not illegal. A District Judge ruled the practice of Napster to be illegal, in turn not protected under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act-the same law that protects the makers of VCRs.

Napster was forced to close their practice in early 2002 in leu of being sued for the "lost" billions of dollars by artists such as Dr.Dre, Limp Bizkit, and Metallica. So that brings us to where we now are-2010-with the most internet users and peer-to-peer software options ever known. Napster has forever changed the way music is viewed, downloaded, and listened to.

Our generation owes great gratitude to the creators of Napster, if not for the free albums of Pharrcyde and Willa Ford, for the notion that as great as music is, we will never pay for it. Shut one operating system down and we will find another.
The best things in life are free, Fuck Metallica!

P. De Galo

Generation Q

2010-01-18T14:09:00.004-06:00

Merely by lifting one's head on the train car of the Metro in Washington D.C., strolling through New York City's Central Park, or sitting on a town bench back home, it is quite clear to see the evolution in social interaction from our childhood to now the second decade of the twentieth first century.

One of my first professors at college told our class of the name our generation (children born in the 1980's-1991) has been dubbed; Generation Q. My first reaction was of awe, insult, and curiosity. How could an old man preach to a body of students when the only thing they share in common are biological? I for one was a child who stayed out until the street lights came on, celebrated my first Walkman, and ran trouble at the playground. More and more all around us - globally occurring - the children of my own generation and younger have taken on a new attitude (some may argue 'reliance' would be more fitting here) toward technological advancements, many of which remove the priceless event of social interaction.

Social interaction is something that binds civilizations. Language is considered as the first significant accomplishment by humanoids to keep groups and families cohesive; it is what makes the human species able to develop, cooperate, and succeed. Although its value is not taken for granted, it is being supressed, primarily by the Generaiton Q. By walking one's dog with a bluetooth in, commuting to work with an iPod, looking down to text, or any of the other ways to avoid social interaction, we are becoming a culture no longer concerned with unwanted interaction.

Texting, a popular form of non-verbal interation, is even believed to be dangerous. (http://www.piercecountyherald.com/event/article/id/23539/group/News/) Believe that! Some even believe texting while driving is equal to or more dangerous than drunk driving. Texting while driving has become such an issue in places like Wisconsin that local governments are making progress to pass legislation banning texting while driving.

On your way to class/work torrow, leave the iPod at home, turn off the phone, and see what king of world we actually live in. See if you can even make it.

As-Salamu Alaykum
-Abe Froman

Old Age=Wisdom, Failed Organs, and a Possible 2nd Superbowl

2010-01-17T12:49:00.003-06:00

Playoffs?!!???
Yes, it is that time of year again, and believe it or not, ya boy Brett Favre is still in the mix. You name it: 7 divisional championships, most career touchdowns and passing yard, toughest last name in sports to justify the spelling of, the ability to backstab the crap out of his former team by joining their undisputed biggest rival, ruining the Jets organization for an entire season, and plenty of PR work through the likings of make-a-wish foundation, Brett Favre is just, again, doing what we expect him to do.
Hate seeing him do, but doing what we expect nonetheless.

Today, in roughly 10 minutes, the Minnesota(Min-ay-sooo-tah) Vikings will take on America's Cowboys. Should make for an exciting NFC matchup, just so long as the Boys' defensive front comes to play with a game plan to plug the holes that Adrian Peterson has been shattering like a Haitian earthquake.

Back to topic-Brett Favre. Did anyone expect him not to come out of retirement for a second time? Probably not. Did anyone expect him not to be playing for a conference championship berth at this point in the season? Probably not. Born in October of 1969, here is a compiled list of other people Brett's age who, as long as their health has not run out by now, might be lucky enough to be watching the game from their big fat couch:

Jennifer Aniston- still fairly hot, yet not in any shape to take on Demarcus Ware and the rest of the 3-4

P.Diddy- Bet he never once played organized sports. At one point he may have been able to purchase the Vikings, but poor decision making, back taxes, and a failed attempt to "Make the Band" 6 times puts him out of the picture

Ice Cube- He still scares the shit out of me, but from what I am told, NFL players play on a very high level, requiring strong intelligence and decision making skills. However, Pacman Jones did make it a career for a few years..

And finally, Marilyn Manson. If football was smut pornography, and the Cowboys were edward scissorhands-esque characters, M squared might stand a chance. Not here, not now.

In close, what we realized is that Brett Favre really is a phenom of some sort. Maybe a few years of alcoholism and addiction to prescription pain killers does make the body last a bit longer. I truly hope that this time next year we will not be able to comment any further on Fav Ruh, but, we know we will be. To give hope to those middle aged men who are still living vicariously through Brett, good luck to you. But we all know, at some point in time, luck does run out....

Go Jets!

-Pico DeGalo

Conception

2010-01-14T13:39:00.000-06:00

Today is a remarkable moment in time. On behalf of the entire Moose Club, I would like to cordially introduce our birth into the realm of social media. The following blog will serve as a medium for philanthropy and metaphysical conversation. All contributing parties have fully accepted the responsibility of a MC elite. We are EOE